Can't really bother to see which day is today.

I'm about to write about this for sometime but it keep letting it go... Not today.

I feel ruthless.
Almost on the verge of being cruel.

Can you remember Col. Quaritch from Avatar? He's ruthless. He's a bit too awesome for a meaningful comparison, but he's ruthless as hell.

I can almost understand why some people with a very strong need to succeed end up being ruthless. Its hard to understand those things until you end up on a position where failure is not acceptable. It can even be acceptable to others, but it is not for yourself. The day you find yourself on a large enterprise that you CANNOT let go bad because that's what you agreed with yourself, shits is most likely to get ruthless at some point.

That's a bit how I feel. I have to get my certs, move to another country and get a job. This is my life. My little big plan. Its a bold plan. How many 21 year olds you know these days that are driven as fuck to get an enterprise certification by themselves and then move to another country and gamble employment? Not as many as there should be, lemme tell you.

I don't wanna over dramatize my balls, but you need big balls to do that. And its not the "Woah, that's bold!" thing. Its the time it takes. Its the iron mind it takes. Its the waking up everyday during months to study the same damn thing, day after day, everning after evening. And the doubt that tries to sets in. And the risk of it all going wrong in the long run. And another more day, studying the same things. Being ruthless is not about one insane move, its about hundreds of them, and mad, mad plans.

That's how I feel. The more the shits hit the fan, the harder I get. Its backfiring a bit, I'm not sleeping well and being a bit rude. But oh well, I can't improve linearly all the time.

I'm proud of where this is going though, even if it goes to hell.